Wow... it is really hard to write everything that has happened this week. At the end of every day, I could sit down and write for hours about what has happened. So after 7 days... you can only imagine how difficult it is! But I am so grateful for the opportunity to include you all in this missionary adventure of mine :)
Only 12 more days until I leave for Perú... does that seem crazy to anyone else?! I know it does to me!! I am so excited!! The CCM is AMAZING, but I know that the field will be, too :) Just one more email from México! Wowzers!!
This week we got a new district in our zone. There are 6 Hermanas and 2 Elders in their district - which is the opposite of ours! I am soooooo grateful that we have more Elders than Hermanas in our district. I think I would go crazy with a million Hermanas spending 24/7 together... haha. I think Heavenly Father knew that though ;) But they are pretty great. And yesterday we got another new district - 8 Elders and no Hermanas! We haven't met them yet, though. So that makes 3 districts in our zone.
I have had lots of positive, faith-building experiences this week, but the day that changed me the most was Tuesday. And probably not in the way that you would think.
Tuesday was the hardest day that I have had here at the CCM. I woke up and felt this spirit of depression and sadness come over me. I prayed and tried to make it go away, but things were just bad. We were 20 minutes late to personal study because I was dragging my feet while I was getting ready in the morning. Morning classes were rough... I wasn't feeling the Spirit, and I just couldn't enjoy anything. I was fighting back tears all morning, and I didn't even know why. My district and my teacher could tell something was definitely wrong, but I didn't want to talk to anyone (because I knew I would start crying). I wasn't even sure why I was so sad... and that was frustrating to me, too. After morning classes, it was time for Hermana Lindstrom and I to teach our progressing investigator. His name is Pedro, and actually he is just our morning teacher pretending to be an investigator. We alternate teaching Pedro and our other investigator Frida. Our lesson was absolutely terrible. I couldn't teach with the Spirit at all. He asked questions that we couldn't answer, and whenever I tried to speak, I just kept digging myself into a hole. It was so frustrating. When we finished the lesson, I was bordering a break down. We went back into the classroom, and I sat at a table facing the back wall, away from everyone. I knew I was going to cry, and I didn't want anyone to see. I just sat there staring at my open Book of Mormon, reading the same verse over and over, because my eyes were too clouded with tears to actually read anything.
Finally, I just fell on my knees and starting pleading with my Heavenly Father. I didn't even know what to say... but I knew He could understand my heart. I knelt there in the corner of my little classroom, and just cried. My mind didn't even form thoughts or sentences. But as I was praying, I knew He was listening.
Before I was done praying, it was time to close our class with a district prayer. I kept my head down as I walked over to kneel in the circle. When we finished the prayer, I quickly gathered my things, hoping to duck out of the classroom before anyone could tell what a mess I was. Hermana Lindstrom and I had almost made it out... when Hermano Gallegos called us back into the classroom. When everyone else had left, he closed the door and asked me how I was. I just started crying. He told me that he knew all morning that something wasn't right... he told me tenderly (and all in Spanish, because he doesn't speak English) that he truly loved me and cared about me. He promised he would do anything to help me that I needed. He then asked me to read a scripture out loud... Alma 26:27. It took me a good 3 or 4 minutes to read the short verse in between sobs.
"Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success."
This verse was just what I needed to hear. Right after we left Hermano Gallegos, I went and asked Elder McDonald and Elder Davis in my district to give me a blessing. Elder McDonald said the blessing... but I knew they were Heavenly Father's words. I know the power of the Priesthood is real. After the blessing I felt spiritually and emotionally renewed.
Things have completely turned around since then. I am back to my noramal, way-too-smiley, happy sunshiney, I-love-being-a-missionary Hermana Sintay :)
In my personal study this week, I have been studying the Savior. What I have learned is incredible... I feel prompted to share a portion of it with you :)
In Matthew 21:10, as the Savior rides triumphantly into Jerusalem... the multitude parts and asks, ... "Who is this?" This question intrigued me as I was studying. Prophets in all ages and dispensations have answered this question - Who is Jesus Christ?
In Mosiah, the prophet Abinidi testifies that, "He is the light and the life of the world... a light that cannot be darkened."
Amulek claims that, "He is the very Eternal Father of heaven and earth.... the beginning and end... the first and the last."
Jospeh Smith and Sidney Rigdon know He lives, because "... [they] saw Him sitting on the very right hand of God, and heard His own voice bear record that He is the Only Begotten of The Father."
When Christ introduced himself to the Nephites, in a voice from the darkness He declared, "Behold, I am Jesus Christ the Son of God, whom the prophets testified shall come into the world."
God himself said to a young boy in a grove of trees... "This is my Beloved Son... Hear Him."
So who is Jesus Christ? All of these answers are glorious. As I studied, I quickly discovered that the scriptures are full of accounts bearing witness of Jesus Christ. I have studied for hours and hours these testimonies of prophets. But - regardless of what these prophets say and know - there is an answer that is even more important.
The most important answer is YOURS.
Who is Jesus Christ to YOU?
I may not know as much as a prophet... but I know JUST as well as any prophet that Jesus Christ lives. I know that He is my personal Savior. I know that He is my friend and brother. I know that this is His church. I know that this is His work. I love being His servant :) His name is right here on my name tag - and I strive to walk right beside Him every single day.
Thank you to everyone for your love and support :) I feel your prayers. I truly do.
Until next week :)
Hermana Sintay :)